random songs...

so, recently i was reminded of a little ditty i made up awhile back... i think it's hilarious, but many people find it offensive... especially people with feet issues :)  imagine these lyrics set to music:

foot sandwich,

where the feet,

are the bread,

and the meat...

FOOT SANDWICH!

another random song comes to mind that's also kinda gross... in fact, more gross than the foot sandwich song... my darling daughter and i collaborated on the lyrics... if you know the song "stop and stare" by one republic, this is set to the chorus:

stop and poo

you think it's coming but it's stuck in you

so you have to take a laxative

then it's coming out your butt

do you smell what i smell

i know, grody, right?  just thought i'd share :)  enjoy your lunch!

#teachingtheworldtosing

random yum!

ARE YOU HUNGRY?

that "random produce..." post wasn't just blowing hot air, i actually made everything i set out to... and took pictures along the way... there's no way you're not gonna be hungry after checking this out!

BBQ PULLED PORK SANDWICHES WITH SPICY CABBAGE SLAW

these are INCREDIBLE!  i slow cooked a pork shoulder in the crockpot, fork-shredded it, and mixed it with my own homemade bbq sauce... to serve, put on a soft potato roll, top with spicy slaw, and stuff your face!

CAPE COD COBB SALAD

all the parts and pieces

all bagged up

i found this recipe on www.foodnetwork.com and adapted it to create my own individual salad kits... this, i have decided, is an awesome idea!  i know i should be eating more salads, but i'm lazy and sometimes all the work of cutting everything up when i want to eat a salad is just not something i want to do... especially when grabbing that bag of chips is SO much easier ;)  i will definitely be using this method more often!  what's great is that you decide what kind of salad you want, you pick all the ingredients you love,  and you even make your own salad dressing (it's super simple) and pack that in there too!  those salad-in-a-bag people really had something, but have you ever checked the calorie count on those babies??

KALE CHIPS

i really liked the idea of this, and they came out nice and crispy, i just wasn't too fond of them... if you really love kale, though, and crunchy things, give them a try... (no pic for this one... i ate them all... just to make sure i didn't like them that much :)

ZUCCHINI BRAN MUFFINS

these little cupcake-sized zucchini muffins are so moist and delicious, i could eat one for breakfast every single day!  and they're super healthy!  not an ounce of oil or butter in them...

ZUCCHINI AND KALAMATA OLIVE FLATBREAD

ok, this was really more like a pizza, with no sauce... you can't see the zucchini in the picture because it's underneath everything else... if i make these again, i'll cut back on the feta cheese by about half... there was waaayyyy too much on there... i'm still eating it, though :)

LEMON BASIL CUPCAKES

i only have one word for these babies... OHMIGOD!  i made a lemon-blueberry fruit sauce and some homemade, hand-whipped, vanilla whipped cream, and then topped it all off with some giant, super-sweet, fresh blueberries... this right here is heaven on a plate...

i'm looking forward to seeing what deliciousness abounds in my next my box of produce... and it's almost wednesday again!  if any of this looks so good, you just have to make it for yourself, let me know... no secret recipes here, i'll share :)

#howamistillhungry

random acts of kindness... not!

so yesterday we had a mildly annoying thing happen on the way home from grocery shopping... there was a random piece of metal in the road and i drove right over it getting it stuck under my car.  this thing made such a grueling, scraping sound as i drove that i had to pull off the road to figure out how to get it out from under my car...

clearly, there was no way we were just pulling this thing out, that baby was WEDGED IN like a middle-school geek's underpants after a good teasing by the school bully... no, this required lifting the car off the ground, and since superman was nowhere to be found (thanks for that, man of steel) i opted for the jack, which was in the trunk with the spare tire, underneath an entire week's full of groceries, and other "trunk stuff" that lives in my trunk.

we proceeded to unload the trunk full of groceries (and other "trunk stuff" that lives in my trunk) onto the sidewalk so i could try to find the jack i have never used, ever...  once i found the jack, i had to try to figure out how to use it (why don't they put instructions on those things?)  so there we are (me and my kids - ok, fine, they're teenagers, but that doesn't sound as dramatic), on the side of the road with all the groceries and "trunk stuff" strewn about the sidewalk...  and i'm on the ground trying to figure the damn jack out, which i finally did, but that's not the point of the story...

what is the point of the story, you ask?  let's go back to the title "random acts of kindness... not!"  that's exactly what i got from the grown man who walked right past me (on the ground, next to my car, obviously a total fail at using a jack), my two kids, and all our crap, on the side of the road... that's right, he just walked right on past... he even had to walk on the grass to get around all of our crap... did he stop and ask if we needed any help?  nope.  did he even glance in our direction as if to find out if we might be silently pleading for some help?  absolutely not... he was a genius at avoiding eye contact... this grown man... is chivalry completely dead?  all of you dudes out there, i ask you, if you were the ones walking past this scene, would you stop to help?

now, i don't mean to just pick on the male species here, because about 16 years ago, i was in a situation where a member of the fairer sex had a chance to provide me with some assistance and simply drove away... here's what happened...

my now teenagers were somewhere in the neighborhood of 9-10 months old and we (me and my kids) had just finished up some shopping at costco... my son was in that place in the front of the cart meant for kids to sit, and my daughter was in the back of the cart with all of our purchases.  i rolled the cart up as close as i could to the car, popped the trunk, and started tossing in the industrial-sized packs of... well, everything... and in the blink of an eye my daughter took a nose dive between the cart and the car and landed flat on her head on the pavement.  yes, i was completely FREAKED OUT!  there were no cell phones, at least in my universe, and i had two babies, one who just fell on her head (which, if you know her, explains A LOT! :)  as i was picking her up off the ground, i started looking around to see if there was a pay phone somewhere (not that i had any idea who to call) and there, in the next row over, was this woman looking right at us... i caught her eye, we made ACTUAL eye contact, and then she just got in her car and drove away... did she not just see my baby fall on her head?  did she not see that i was alone with two babies, one of whom just fell on her head??  now, i ask you, how do see something like that and not immediately go running over to help?  how??  i have no answer... i am, to this day, baffled by her behavior.

the moral of these stories is this (insert here that slow, soothing music you always hear at the end of Full House when Danny is about to explain the "lesson" of the episode to DJ and those other two girls):  if you cross paths with someone who might need help, and they look as sweet and innocent as me and my kids do (i couldn't keep a straight face saying that, but whatever) at the very least, stop and ASK if they need help... that is all... thanks for listening... rant resolved.  #notafanofmeanpeople

random ziggers...

ok... so our new dog, ziggy, has been here for a grand total of one hour... if that... and so far we have learned the following:

• he can jump REALLY high!
• you probably don't want to get your hand in the way of the toy he wants (i have teeth marks to prove this one)
• he... is... a... thief!  in the blink of an eye, he jumped up and grabbed a slice of darbey's pizza, right out of her pizza box... which was in her lap!
• he is allergic to grains... so the pizza stealing had to be dealt with stat!
• he's trying really hard to dominate satie by humping her... she is NOT having it!
• he sits when i say "sit", but doesn't stay when i say "stay"... but then neither does satie...
• getting him to sit still long enough to take a not-blurry picture is seemingly impossible
• his fur looks like it would be rough to the touch, he's even called a "rough coat jack russell", but it's actually super soft
• when he plays tug 'o war and tries to shake the toy out of your hand, he sounds like he's gurgling water (it's seriously funny :)
• he brings a little mouthful of his kibble into the living room, drops it on the floor, and THEN eats it
• having two dogs is going to be an adjustment
• he is CRAZY... and CRAZY CUTE!
• satie is just going to have to get used to having a big brother :)
• we heart him already

#wussupdog

random produce...

this week's haul

     WEDNESDAYS   i love wednesdays... when i wake up on wednesday mornings and open the front door to grab the paper, there is always another wonderful surprise waiting there for me... my weekly box of organic produce.  i eagerly open the box, check the contents against the packing slip, and then start planning what to make with it all... i rifle through recipes, peruse foodie sites, and flip through cookbooks until i find things that suit my fancy for that week's haul... seriously, check this out!  i've got savoy cabbage, green leaf lettuce, kale, arugula, fennel, baby carrots, zucchini, purple radishes, avocados, oranges, apricots, plums and pluots... how i will ever eat it all in one week, i do not know, but i'm willing to make an effort :)

     ORGANIZATION   you may notice that all this produce is neatly packed up and organized here, but i assure you, it does not arrive that way... it's fresh from the farm to the box to my doorstep, the best way to get produce... given that, there's something else to look forward to on wednesdays... produce processing!  an activity that is best accompanied by 80's music (thank you, pandora!) to the disdain of my kids... ok, they don't hate the 80's music per se, more my rendition of every song that comes on (there's usually singing and dancing involved.)

the spinner

     PRODUCE PROCESSING   the best part of produce processing for me is the lettuce'y stuffs... ya know why??  cuz i get to use one of my favorite kitchen gadgets, the salad spinner!  i chop up all the lettuce first (and whatever else i'm gonna spin) while it's still dirty, toss it into a sink full of cold water, swish it around a bit and wait for all the dirt and stuff to sink to the bottom... then into the salad spinner it goes... there's no greater satisfaction than pumping that thing 8-10 times and watching it spin, almost uncontrollably, until the stuff inside is all nice and dried off...  now it's into labeled ziploc bags, ready for my delicious recipes... i think the one i'm looking forward to most this week is barbecue pulled pork sandwiches with spicy cabbage slaw (made with carrots and purple radishes)  i am SO hungry thinking about it... tomorrow, i shop!

what i'm making this week:

• bbq pulled pork sandwiches with spicy slaw garnish (but you already know that!)
• a cape cod inspired cobb salad (with arugula, fennel, turkey bacon, apple, toasted walnuts, dried cranberries, bleu cheese, and an orange-dijon viniagrette)
• kale chips (this will be my first time, so we'll see... but you toss the kale in olive oil, and s&p, and bake until crispy... then sprinkle with a little brown sugar and nutmeg)  will it replace lays dill pickle chips?  never, but at least it's a healthier option!
• zucchini bran muffins
• zucchini and kalamata olive flatbread
• lemon basil cupcakes

anybody gonna be hungry over the next week?  i'm sure i'll have plenty to share :)  #eatingwell